This little guy turned one last week.
I’ll go ahead and say it right here, right now. He is officially Troubs.
The day was sad for me and I’ve now better defined what I was feeling. Stressed and tired. Overwhelmed by my kids and overwhelmed by a busy summer. Ungrateful, selfish and pathetic that a fun-packed summer and only two – really great – kids is enough to, at times, send me over the edge of exhaustion. Sentimental my baby is growing up. Confused about exactly what to do about my baby growing up. Missing Grandpa Bud and thinking about everything that was happening one year ago. Lonely we don’t have family with us to celebrate Max. Guilty I wasn’t doing more to make his big day special. I wasn’t doing more because I just didn’t have it in me, and I didn’t see the point if it was just us. That made me feel more guilty and more lonely. I know Max doesn’t know or care it’s his birthday, but I know and care. I haven’t done for Max, in general, everything I wish I had time and energy to do. Most days I’m okay with that because I know it’s just the way busy life with multiple children is. Other days it gets to me. If I could pause life for a week I would spend it catching up. On organizing, blogging, and all things (baby book, calendar, video, etc.) Max.
When my Mom called to wish Max a happy birthday, I unloaded on her. She suggested a lot of my feelings probably stemmed from lack of sleep, my new calling in the stake primary presidency and the upcoming scout camp we were in charge of. That’s for dang sure.
I set out to do a few small fun things that day but just about everything misfired. Balloons we’d set flying high with helium the night before were deflated by morning. Thanks new $20 Target helium tank.
What kind of lame balloons hold helium for less than 12 hours? The free ones included with the tank, I guess.
We wanted to go to the park but the weather was crappy. I tried to get Anderson to help me wrap a few small gifts while Max napped, but he just fought me about wanting to play with them. I went to make a cake and realized we had no eggs.
We went to Costco for eggs. Anderson picked on Max the whole time. We ended up having lunch there. We went to the park right before dinner. I couldn’t get my camera to fully cooperate.
We just love Costco lunch.
We blew up a second set of balloons, which lasted just long enough for a photo shoot and cake. In case there was any doubt I’ll go ahead and confirm it: Max. loves. balloons.
Max had sushi (from Costco) for dinner followed by a #1 cake. After we lit the candle his little hand went to grab the flame and I screamed for him to stop. I startled him so much he cried through the whole birthday song. Cried, cried, cried.
He calmed down once he realized eating cake with sugary frosting hand over fist is glorious. And messy.
I know all Max wants for his birthday is to be loved. I know everything anyone does for a 1-year-old’s birthday is for them, not for their kid. I know it’s okay because my Mom, who thinks kids’ birthdays are “stressful because you have to orchestrate them,” once completely skipped then faked my brother’s birthday. Months after the date, she put a cake in front of him, grabbed an old toy, told him to smile and snapped a picture. She’s pretty much the best mom I know so I guess we’re doing okay.
At the end of the day, birthday or unbirthday, it’s these faces that matter. And Max’s little face was pretty happy.
9 comments:
You did a beautiful job. Seriously! One-year-olds have no clue what is going on, so I've found it's best to save your energy for the older years (when the little sweethearts start DEMANDING certain party elements). He had balloons and cake. What more could he want?!?! I don't want you to even know what we did for my fourth child's 1st birthday if you're ashamed of the lovely things you did for Max on his! (Hint: it was combined with her older sister's!)
I hope things are feeling less stressed this week. I can't wait to hear all about Scout camp! We need to schedule a video luncheon ASAP!!!
Max probably wanted a sequencing test for his birthday.
Sigh. There's always his 2nd birthday.
Oh, Happy Birthday little Max. I wish we could have been there to celebrate. Looks like you did some cute, fun things. He's very cute with all the balloons.
I've never seen it before but in these pictures Max and Anderson look like brothers! You articulated your feelings very well in this post. And yes in the end it's the love you share that counts. You are "just right" Mamma.
What a great post! I can totally relate to so many things you expressed! Life is so crazy and constantly busy. You're such a fabulous mom. Max and Anderson are so lucky to have you! Btw I love the picture of the nosy in the swings, and the pics of max with his balloons! What a cute kid! Happy birthday max!
Love the pictures, and I think you are right in that "all Max wants is to be loved" and I know he is.
Looks like you did amazing things for Max! Seriously helium balloons, I need to go to Target and get me one of those. That is all any boy needs ages 1-7. You are a wonderful mother and I love you!
Oh Wendy, you are a super amazing momma and woman! I am glad I took the time to read your blog today because I have been having similar feelings, and I only have one little munchkin to take care of (although baby #2 is due New Year's Day...haven't really announced this yet). I think Max's birthday celebration looked fabulous. You do an amazing job at everything you do. You and Harley have created a beautiful family. I think of you often and love reading your blog when I get the chance.
Happy Birthday little Max (aka my future son-in-law)!
I'm sorry this day was a bit rough for you, but it looks like a successful 1st birthday to me. Max won't remember anything you did on that day, but the way he feels loved will shape the person he is. You can take confidence in that fact since we all know how much absolute LOVE you have for your boys and vice-versa.
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