Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Cast Away

We’re having our 2nd baby. It’s the same gender as our first baby. We don’t expect any of the fanfare or presents we received with #1. So I was quite surprised when an early gift made its way into our home a few weeks ago. I was more shocked to learn who gave it to us and what it was. I present you with the oddest gift I have ever received.

kit

A belly cast kit. It’s from our landlord. Our landlord whom we’ve never met. Her realtor, who does all business dealings with us, delivered it. He was here fixing our bathroom sink. He told me he had a baby gift for us. He ran out to his car and came back with this box. I want you to have a mental picture of this guy. Think Mr. Clean. Big, tall, balder than bald. Add a red goatee. This was our exchange:

Me: “Oh, thank you! What is it…?”

Mr. Clean: “Oh you know, it’s one of those kits, so you can build a mold of your body when you’re pregnant. She (landlord) *thought you could use it.”

Me (sarcastically, pointing to my belly): “Oh, right, so I can remember this fabulous shape forever?”

Mr. Clean (oblivious to sarcasm and with complete seriousness): “Right!”

*I learned in the card this gift was originally intended for my landlord’s friend who unexpectedly delivered weeks early, before her shower. So she didn’t pick this out with me specifically in mind. Still…

After you cast yourself, you decorate, of course. Here are some ideas. Not creative enough? Check out these masterpieces. You can paint, add your baby’s name and birth date, apply sequins, tiny mirrors, tile, beads, fur… you get the idea.

6shot monkey pain 1 paint 2 name row

Did I mention you could get it bronzed?

bronze

Now I ask you, dear readers, the following questions:

1. WHOOOOO in the world would ever do this? WHO!?! I want names. The picture on the box shows multiple hands getting dirty to cast the mold. Note the casts go from under your neck to just above your crotch.

hands

cast

So group effort touching, molding, casting your bare chest down to below your belly. Seriously?!!!

2. If I were to cast my fat self, WHERE in the world would I put the finished product? Remember how I don’t have room for an Easter basket? I for sure don’t have room for a 3 foot mold of my preggers-ness.

3. Let’s say I live in a mansion, with plenty of space, where would does one DISPLAY something like this? The nursery? Weird. The master closet? I’d rather have more room for shoes. The living room? I can only imagine the conversations this “piece of art” would spark. Here’s an idea… a belly bowl! I cut it in half and use it in place of a bassinette.

belly bowl

Some women love being pregnant. I am not one of them. While I appreciate and am grateful for the miracle growing inside of me, this isn’t exactly a happy time for me physically. I’ll spare you the list of my symptoms, ailments, discomforts and sleeping issues. What’s more, I do NOT like the way I look pregnant. Why… WHY would I ever want to memorialize my current figure? If anything I would cast my pre-prego shape as inspiration to lose weight post baby.

I appreciate my landlord for thinking of us. She’s been great from day one. She has, on multiple occasions, given us generous gifts. But, come on, is this present not just so odd? Harley and I have been laughing about it for two weeks. We considered keeping it around as a white elephant gift, but Christmas is a long way out, and again, we have no space to store it. Instead I’ll be returning it to Babies R Us for credit we can put towards something we’ll use. Like a double stroller. Or diapers. Unless one of you tells me you want to make a cast of your belly. Speak up. This could be you.

hippie2

Images found here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here & here.

33 comments:

Logical Libby said...

Do Harley's belly instead.

Jen said...

That is so funny! I've been laughing reading your post! It so true; as much as I know you're excited to memorialize your current state, the thought of displaying it is so much worse! Thanks for the great laugh!

Codi said...

HILARIOUS!

Crystal said...

I think my stretch marks are all I need to remember the hugeness of my belly. I say return away.

Jess said...

I think I just threw up a little in my throat.

You have to keep it, though. That's the best white elephant gift ever!

janaemadsen said...

Maybe cast your belly and send it to me and I'll pretend it is mine. So excited for you to have a baby. I love babies.

Sarah S said...

I am dying!!!! This is so, so funny. No belly casts here... I totally agree with you - what the heck do you do with the mold??

I kind of feel the same way about the nearly naked pictures people have done when they are pregnant. Are they going to hang these up in their family room??

brookie said...

ok, this post is hilarious!! i can't believe there's actually a market for this. don't return it...bring it to DMDG! as far as I can tell we don't have any arts and crafts scheduled yet. we could take her (I assume the final product would be a "her") out for a night on the town!

Ming said...

I actually like Brookie's suggestion. All of your Diva's helping you cast your belly is a pretty hilarious image. Could make for a crazy funny evening. I'm just sayin'

Mary J said...

So completely hilarious. I think you should just do it. No one would have a better conversation piece than that. You've got to do it. And then blog about it.

Kricket said...

I don't know why you are all mocking this?! I have three of these hanging in my living room already, and can't wait for the fourth. I think the next one will be used as a planter, like these ones: http://www.proudbody.com/articles.asp?id=202

p.s. If you don't want to keep yours, then we will hang it along side ours. :)

p.p.s. I am totally kidding. This is all really freaky, especially the boobs. Who wants to remember that?

Jessica Taggart said...

Two words:

HUH-Larious.

Rachel said...

hahahahah so awesome. And from your landlord?! I am sure baby 2 will be happy to treasure his bronze belly for life...heirloom in the making. And you would exchange it for disposable diapers?!?!?!?!?

Adam E. said...

Four words: Plate Metal Body Armor (+3).

Carter said...

Hands down the funniest post you've ever done. "I want names." HA!!!

Oh, and WTF?!

lys said...

Wow. I don't even know where to begin. . .

Catherine said...

I'm curious to know how much money you'll get back...

Cristi said...

My supervisor last year gave me a kit like that (she's a super cool art therapist who loved being pregnant) Let's just stay it is still unopened and sitting in the garage. I however must admit that it did cross my mind to pull it out when I had a cute little belly and paint it for fun- all in the name of art- (don't judge) but by the time l looked pregnant- I was REALLY looking pregnant- and in all the wrong places. Nothing I really want to remember or make into a salad bowl. I wish however I had done one BEFORE I was pregnant...that would have been a nice reminder of what my body USED to be like!!! ;)

Wein said...

the things people will do to make money

Kara said...

You have to appreciate things like this. In our house, we refer to them as "GBP's" (good blog posts). For the reason alone that this is bringing joy to so many more people than just you, it is a priceless gift.

Happy returning!

Ali Snow said...

Wow....that is weird.

mike said...

HUH??

You are not keeping it at my house.

Michelle said...

Wendy, that's pretty funny. What an odd gift to give someone you don't even know. Even if you bought it for someone else...you could still return it and give the other person something else! When we just registered at Babies R Us, they told us they now require a receipt or gift receipt or else they won't take a return. Did she give you one of those with the gift? If not, it might just make for a HILARIOUS white elephant gift!

Emily said...

Oh, really? You guys haven't heard about this? Seriously? You think this is funny?

I thought this was pretty common. I did it with both of my pregnancies.

We decided that it would make a nice theme in our bedroom. You know, something really sexy. I liked the bronzed one, so I just got a bottle of gold spray paint and did my first one gold, but I didn't frame it like the one in the picture. That is really cool, I think I'll try to find a cheap frame at a garage sale to do the same thing.

For my second pregnancy I wanted to continue with the sexy theme, so I did the little mirrors, like a disco ball. It took a lot of time, but was so worth it.

If you come visit me, I'll show them to you hanging in my bedroom. Heck, if you come visit, I'll give up my bedroom so that you can sleep in the same room with my belly-casts!

What a deal!

(P.S. Joe had a lot of fun helping me make the casts!)

(P.P.S. You know I'm joking, right?)

Suzette Selden said...

OMG! That is almost disturbing I think. Glad you could return it.

Nicole said...

Dying! You have got to be kidding me. So NOT normal.

Harley King said...

You'll get no plaster rubdowns from me, unless of course the final product is used to replace that salad bowl we broke.

Oh, and I'm not convinced all the hands in the multiple-hands-helping-mama-make-something-hideous photo are all girl hands.

Rob said...

Best. post. EVER!

The Knisley's said...

Sooo funny! My mother in law suggested that I do a belly cast and the first thing that came into my mind was where the heck I would store it? Definitely keep it for a white elephant or any other baby shower you go to. You never know!

Lauren F. said...

oh my

Ligia said...

how in the world did we not try this bad boy out when I was over this morning?!?!

anna banana said...

hahahahahaha

Ryan and Cheryl Harris said...

If I had that thing hanging in my house it would give me nightmares

Cheryl